Unanswered Harry Potter Question #23: Has Harry Potter Ever Read a Book about Himself?

by First Mate Keira on April 12, 2014 · 0 comments

in Buried Treasure

Unanswered Harry Potter Question #23: Has Harry Potter ever read a book about himself?

(This article is humorous, not factual.)

In my research on Harry Potter I’ve come across a rather interesting diary fragment belonging to a wizard in the mental ward of St. Mungo’s among the unfinished draft of a PennDragon biography on the Boy-Who-Lived. I think you will find it rather illuminating regarding the question above. Here’s what it reads:

Greetings Glorious Journal,

Today’s entry regards to the odious show stealing Gryffindor known as Harry Potter…

I was sitting here, delighting in my reflection and practicing my smile, when I had a rather interesting flashback to the time when I was Hogwarts' most famous and skilled Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I immediately preserved it in a traveling Pensieve and stuck my head in.

In this memory I overheard Miss Hermione Granger, the know-it-all Gryffindor with rather large teeth, while I was in the library. She really ought to get those fixed. She’ll never be photogenic if she does not. Oh and her hair. She really should try my beauty regime from that darling little place in Knockturn Alley. It’d do her wonders… but back to my memory. Miss Granger was asking Harry Potter if he’d ever read a book about himself. Can you imagine? Why would he read about himself? His life is hardly as exciting as my own. Oh the stories I could write if I could but remember them!

Harry might have told Hermione that he had not read a book about himself, but OH-HO Journal little does he know! The answer to Hermione’s question is yes. He read it during his second year at Hogwarts. In fact I recommended it to him, and it made him happy, and his self-esteem skyrocketed. He decided to tell the Dursleys to go bugger off. I wonder who they are? Dursley is a strange surname. No matter. No matter.

Then when he read the ending he found out it was written by yours truly, Gilderoy Lockhart… I don’t care if Dumbledore’s name was on the front cover. The man can’t possibly write a better biography of Harry Potter than me. If you could see me Journal, you’d be in no doubt that I’d win the Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile Award. For you see, at the end of the book there was a note to Harry Potter from me: to memory wipe him and steal identity. When Harry turned around I nailed him with my extremely powerful and matchless obliviate charm. Erasing his memory wasn’t a problem, but stealing his identity proved to be too much for me. I think that’s why I ended up here, but I can’t recall. Perhaps it will come to me one day…

Ever Your Most Gorgeous and Fabulous Wizard,

Gilderoy Lockhart

Underneath the journal entry was PennDragon’s handwriting and it said this:

Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be, the charm hit Harry's forehead and bounced off and hit Lockhart in a manner similar to the Killing curse from Voldemort’s wand. Until Lockhart remembered and used a Pensieve, he and Harry Potter both forgot the situation entirely and the book in question disintegrated the moment Harry finished the last word, to keep it’s knowledge out of a certain Dark Wizard’s hands. Besides forgetting Harry read the book, Harry also forgot about the absolute awesome power, that Voldemort did not know, the power to head butt spells back onto their caster. So now Harry had to do it the hard way instead of just head butting the Avada Kedavra during the Cemetery duel at the end of the Tri-Wizard Tournament.

So yes, Harry Potter has read a book about himself, but he can’t remember it, or the book, or even the awesome power it revealed to him.

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