Unanswered Harry Potter Question #2: What Type of Shoes Does Voldemort Wear?

by First Mate Keira on April 8, 2014 · 0 comments

in Buried Treasure

Unanswered Harry Potter Question #2: What type of shoes does Voldemort wear?

(This article is humorous, not factual.)

I’ve unearthed in a 1995 Quibbler article with the answer to this question. As the scan of it may be hard to read I have transcribed and pasted it below for your convenience.

HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED’S
SECRET SHOE STASH

Can you really be afraid of a shoe fashionisto?

For thirteen years He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has gone without foot apparel and he’s tired of it. Upon first regaining his body at the end of the Tri-Wizard Tournament this year, his Death Eaters report that the Dark Wizard asked of the Previously-Assumed-To-Be-Dead Peter Pettigrew for his favorite pair of snake skin shoes. None of us imagined that this would be Lord Thingy’s first request!

SO WHAT IS LORD FLIGHT-FROM-DEATH’S FAVORITE PAIR?

It shouldn’t surprise you that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’s favorite pair of shoes is a pair of hand-tooled Oxfords made out Nagini’s skin. Nagini for those of you who don’t know is his pet snake. (A real snake, perverts! I shudder to think of a pair of shoes made with what you’re thinking of… gross!)

WHO KNEW THE SELF STYLED DARK LORD WAS SO NARCISSISTIC?

I certainly did not, but those closest to him have been aware of it for a long time.

One Death Eater, known for his own fashionable attire, had this to say, “The Dark Lord is as vain as they come. He’s even vainer than me, which if you knew me, is saying something. At Hogwarts I was given the superlative, The Most Likely to be Found with a Mirror in His Hand. When I first joined him he told me I couldn’t use the same hair pomade that he did. I almost quit right then. Am I ever so glad that he’s bald! Now I can go back to my favorite brand again.”

Well there you have it dear readers. It’s clear that Lord Thingy is proud of his looks. Instead of running in fear from him the next time you see him you should compliment his footwear.

Lavender Brown, fashion reporter for the Quibbler.

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